That hoodoo that you do

     So pleased to say I found my lucky coin. Turns out it wasn't a nickel it was a Canadian quarter. So in Canadian terms I'm worth .27$. Not much in the scope of things but you can't make a man give up his superstitions, even if he does have an above average i.q.   

    Ended up skipping tonight's workout due to it being Wednesday and game night. Went pretty well and discovered a new tool for streamlining random dungeons .  It maps out fleshes out and populates the whole thing. I then go over it with a font tooth comb and add some fluff and story to it and voila , functional and fun dungeon for my players.

    In nutrition related news. Had a Mountain Dew yesterday evening and this morning only to discover my body revolted against the assault that I had been doing for years. Sounded like a demon incubating in my guts all morning and the cramp wasn't fun either so I guess I won't be having another one any time soon.   Although I have noticed I am enjoying and noticing the more subtle differences in unsweetened teas that I've been drinking , and may even get to the point of guessing brand by taste.

   Was happy to see my girlfriend , even if only for ten minutes , tonight. We talked a bit about what all the plan is and her grandparents . The one thing I've thought enjoyed is her perfume. She wears this one scent that drives me bananas . I just love it. And it felt good just to hug her and make her feel better after a long day of packing and then a busy night at work. Might even get the chance to spend some more time with her tomorrow .

     As for the long distance part coming up , honestly on the fence about it.  I'll weigh in more on that point when I can give you an answer. Right now I'm gonna focus on enjoying my time with her till she leaves. ( roommate is hung up on that whole long distance doesn't work, but he old and jaded . Two I'm stubborn and willful)

     So federal appeals court basically threw out net neutrality, which is bullshit. I'm waiting for people to get it through their heads that we've put idiots who are out to fuck us in power. At least I keep holding onto the hope that we fix this before I ended up like Robert DeNiro from terry Gilliam's Brazil and doing unlicensed air conditioner repairs and being vaporized by paperwork.

The end of week one

      Well folks , week one is over and I'm still waiting for my head to exploded from the lack of sugar based sodas. Honestly I'm proud of myself to have stuck with it . I've also been taking a multi vitamin as well. The hardest thing is not going overboard with my meal portions . Usually I get a large with extra something but this week I start not upsizing, unsweetened tea , and trying to minimize mayo and other crazy stuff along those lines.

     So was kinda kicking myself in the ass over the whole girlfriend having to move away thing.  Mainly because I'm just not experienced in relationships , hell, I've never really even had one.   Anyway , getting back on topic. Her and I went to see the hobbit: desolation of smaug movie.  I was really impressed with it even though I spent more time trying to remember reading things from the book, and she can attest to the few times I audibly said "what?" During the movie.

      We ended up discussing us after the movie. She isn't planning on staying in Birmingham but we have decided we are gonna stick with it. I refuse to let my irrational fear of failure and paranoia about every little thing that could go wrong.  I'm sticking with it. And a lot of days it's hard.  But being who I was is also about beating my mindset

     Also got to chill with our newest members to the game group, and they really have grown on me very much. One of them and been really good with advice on my issues and the other is just great for a laugh and is so knowledgable about so many things.

    And this is one of the big things has been having close friends to talk with about some of the hard topics that I've never really be comfortable in talking about or even thinking about.    I might eventually bring them up here now but that is a big step I'm not ready to take yet or admit to some people still.

      SO FOR THIS WEEK MENTAL SCORE : 5. 

       Just since it's the first week and we'll really don't have a data point to grade from yet and this will be a good week to base everything on

Wow.

     So all my DDR stuff finally arrived at the house and since my dungeons and dragons game was canceled since we had a player sick with strep this week I decided to break out the moves.

     So the fun part was getting everything hooked up and turning on the play station two to see that there was no color. Now keep in mind this is my original play station 2 console. I've only had this thing since I was thirteen, which was a whopping 11 years ago. I'm amazed to this day that it turns on when I hit the button. It has a great number of memories tucked into it.  

 

      Anyway got that up and running only to find out my copy of dance dance revolution max 2 isn't that great. So I popped in DDR supernova. Oh the fun happened when I saw my data was still there.   Well, thirty minutes later with thighs and Chest burning I decided it was time to stop for the night. 

       Apparently the game keeps track of everything from your weight to your goal and how much you worked on it. Apparently when I was 18 and playing I would go for an hour and a half a day on the game. Now I'll be completely honest. I was flabbergasted by this. 

     I didn't remember being that into the game. I was amazed and proud of myself . I never realized how cool I had been at the time.   I have some close friends who have been trying to get me to come out of my shell, but I always lacked the confidence to do it.   I think they saw who I was and wanted to bring him back out, and to be honest I want to be Him again. 

     On a side note enjoy a riveting game of league of legends tonight with my friend clawcloud. Playing rengar and she is playing jinx. Enemy team is making a strong effort to put the nail in our coffin . Using my ult I snuck past the enemy team , hid in the bush just before their inhibitor, waited for the minions to pass and then Zerged their last tower and downed the nexus.  The part that all made it worth it was in the post game everyone says " wth is rengar" and " dat ult", but the best thing that made me feel go was claw saying she was dying laughing and had fun. She has been a really good addition along with her husband to the gaming group I am part of.

Freeze warning

     So in bama tonight we have a freeze warning , which basically means school delays and closings tomorrow , bread and milk are worth more than gold , and I'm waiting for the power to go out due to some idiot hitting a pole. 

     So I swallowed my pride and asked a friend for the info to contact her shrink just cause this morning I didn't really want to do much of anything , and that is a huge red flag in my book.

    That's mainly cause I let that feeling get out of hand when I was in college and it turned into me sleeping fourteen hours a day doing nothing and flunking out of community college (which honestly makes me feel dumber than a high school dropout) .  Why? Well, considering I passed ap euro history and chem in high school with 93+ grades, you get the point.

     Anyway, getting back on topic, I prolly won't call tomorrow due to closing and work and I'm having some sort of reaction to something causing my eczema to drive me up a wall and bath in the fires of Moira . Therefore it'll prolly be Tuesday or me just flat out forgetting and not. .

    So all in all just a tiny rant to help me relax a bit while I talk to my girlfriend about being frustrated about everything I can't control because I'm not omnipotent . God that would be handy some days.

  

Just a really good pic of Casper my family's oldest Maltese . He not been doing so well lately but he's almost 12 ish. Hope he's around for a few more years . It's gonna be really hard to say goodbye.

   


     So Went to the Doctor Sunday due to throat hurting pretty bad.  The pain wasn't what freaked me out. It was the 6 white patches in my throat that turned out to be pus pockets due to what I would find out was strep at the time.  The thing that bothered me the most was the fact I weighed 192 pounds.


     Now 192 doesn't seem like that much compared to the obesity epidemic Sweeping America according to the latest CNN poll.  But for me A 5'6" single guy that is a HUGE buzzkill.  I've always considered my ideal weight to be about 165, and that got me to start thinking today.

    Looking back toward the year of 2013, there was a great deal of things that were positive, but I still consider it a step back in life progress.  So, if I made all these life foward movements, why did I still consider it a negative year?

    Today at work I came to the answer.  It was my outlook has been more sour and depressing that it ever has.  I'm not happy because I'm not where I want to be and I Don't look like who I WANT to look like.  Now I know that I can't just make the negative mindset I have just magically disappear.  That is why I'm undertaking an experiment of sorts.

    Starting with this post here, I'm gonna do a excersice/psych/self-intervention.  Now I know this blog isn't going to go much of anywhere and I'll probably forget about it within the week, but If i and your reading look back and I stuck with it, wouldn't that just be simply amazing.

   So here is the plan

  1.  i'm not the best at going outside of my comfort zone to exercise.  My brain just gets in the way trying to analyze everyone else and just as a friend put it " you just have a loud brain".  So i'm gonna do all my fitness from home, mostly cardio and self weighting ( push ups, pull ups, crunches).

      How to do cardio in my home in a way I enjoy.  Well I'm a Dance Dance Revolution freak, so Today on amazon I ordered 6 different version of DDR for my playstation 2 and a new dance pad.  Yeah, they even have a workout mode on these games.

 2.  I'm gonna keep a mental outlook journal.  each week I'm gonna rate myself outlook from -10 to 10.  -10 being close family memeber passing away negative, and a 10 being getting married or curing cancer.

 3. this is the most important step.  I'm gonna graph it all out to track my results with my favorite thing.  Graphs.

 here to a fun experiment, and hopefully positive results!